Recently, (relatively recently anyway) Mother Earth responded to questions coming from Naturalist and Environmentalist Howard Kim. Kim reportedly has been known to periodically hike in the woods, communing with the forest. The forest is very jealous though because what the forest thought was private usually goes on Kim’s Facebook page directly afterwards. Kim also announced that he would be taking a long sabbatical in the woods, getting several immediate likes from his wife and kids (very supportive of his absence), to sit down with Mother Earth and ask her a few questions.
When asked about Mother Earth’s responses, Kim replied, “She was very happy to hear from me. She doesn’t commune with many of her kids anymore, and that upsets her deeply… And I mean deeply. She says that has something to do with the whole Earthquake situations we got goin’ on around the world.”
Mother Earth also answered quite a few questions about her age, “Just because I have a few really deep canyons here and there, and these really thick trees growing in a few crannies, doesn’t mean I’m that old. I mean, do I really look like I’m millions of years old?” Kim corrected her, saying billions of years. She sighed, sending a few ships to the bottom of the Pacific. “You never ask a lady her age,” she told reporters, “and Howard’s a real sweetie, he didn’t ask… I offered. I’m nice like that. I love to talk. If my kids would talk to me every once and awhile…”
“Okay,” she said. “So I’ve had a few facelifts. Like the Great Flood thing. I had the facelift, but you can’t really tell.”
When asked about Pangaea, she simply responded, “Things begin to move around when you get older.” When asked about Atlantis, or other lost land masses, she noted, “I’m a big gal. I can’t keep track of everything.”
“Billions of years? I don’t think so. It’s taken all I’ve got to spin around that Sun guy for all the time I have. He’s such a hothead. Now, I hear that Alpha Centauri is a nice guy, maybe I should go interstellar…”
“Just because I am literally as old as dirt… it doesn’t mean much. Age is relative… time is relative. Talk to Father Time. He can’t even remember his age.”
The Know Nothing 