Q: Is there a God?
A: If there is, everyone whose ever lived has gotten him all wrong. ‘Cause everybody but me is dumb. Therefore, we’re not going to commit to anything. Course, by then it’ll be too late, but we’d hate to get it wrong…
Q: Is a thing a thing in itself, or is a thing a thing representing the receptual qualities manifested through the senses?
A: Both. And neither.
Q: What is real?
A: Huh?
Q: What’s the path to enlightenment?
A: Bobism.
Q: Can some questions only be answered with more questions?
A: Are you really asking this question?
Q: If God is all-powerful, can He make a rock so heavy that not even He can lift it?
A: There would have to be a test, but the only evidence to hypothesize of off is the fact that God made such a big blockhead like you.
Q: If God is all-powerful and all-loving, why does He allow evil?
A: Much like that kite you built yourself that nose-dived into the ground and blew to pieces from the impact, free will doesn’t agree with humans.
Q: Is there really such a thing as good or evil?
A: If you have to ask that question, it probably means you’re evil.
Q: Is there any black and white, or is it just gray?
A: We’ve got more of a polk-a-dot situation goin’ on.
Q: What is really real?
A: Peaches.
Q: Is love the answer to the world’s problems?
A: Yes, but let everyone else go first.
Q: What is love?
A: Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more…
Q: Which is a better way of living, individualism or collectivism?
A: Just be yourself. Everyone says to.
Q: If there is a train track, and five men are on the tracks and do not see (or hear (they’re jamming with their noise-canceling headphones)) the coming train, but you’re within ten feet of a lever that redirects onto a track with three people on it, what is the truly moral option?
A: 1) Go big or go home. 2) Flip off the group of five and when they come to beat the snot out of you (obviously that many guys hangin’ round the train tracks means they’re gang members) you have saved their lives. 3) If they can’t hear the dang train, it’s their funeral. 4) Do nothing. If they don’t know better than to walk on train tracks, it’s on them. Literally. The train will be on them. 5) Blame it on the folks who are supposed to be bring the danger of hanging out on train tracks to public attention.
The Know Nothing 