Fishers of men confirmed Sunday they had found the famed Ichthys fish emblem commonly found on the bumpers of Godly vehicles was found floating on its stomach in the Christian mainstream.
An autopsy confirmed the “Jesus fish” had died from a toxic sewer leak that had been introduced to the mainstream. The fishers of men pulled the dead fish from the river and buried on the banks.
“It’s a real shame,” Jason, a young, hip evangelist said. “We cast out our net and pulled in a whole lot of things that had died because of the toxic leak,” he said, idly kicking a piece of debris with the name “Lakewood” emblazoned on the front. Alongside it lay “Confessions of the ELCA.” Jason rubbed his foot around in the sand, trying to get the “acceptance” off.
Mainline protestants claimed responsibility for the toxic leak into the stream and but were unapologetic about it. They reportedly said apologetics was unnecessary. They’re not fans of debate. They just accept whatever you say.
Other debris recovered from the stream was the Messenger Bible, which surveyors say may have been the cap holding back the waste poisoning Christianity.
The Know Nothing 